Wednesday, November 30, 2011
So there's this particular time of the month where all I'm capable of doing is eating a lot of food and being really irrational/emotional. It's quite horrible really....UNLESS said time of the month happens to coincide with Thanksgiving day. Result: stomach capacity and consumption rate tripled. Good. game. All the turducken are belong to me.
Unfortunately, day after Thanksgiving was easily one of the worst days of my life. Mostly because I almost died. Had planned on touring DC/museums with Jen + Josh + Shea, but ended up lying on some random bench in front of the Natural History Museum...suffering from the worst pain I have ever experienced in all my years of life. I remember thinking to myself, "should I tell them to call the hospital? NONONO, I'm stronger than this. Wait......ok. I am dying for real. Or I am giving birth to an alien. Dear God, please don't let me die on this bench". I was able to somehow babble through the pain and delirium that Jen/Josh/Shea needed to go walk around DC without me and check out some memorials because it was an absurdly beautiful day. They left. I passed out on the bench in fetal position. I awoke 30 minutes later....alive. Much of the pain had subsided (thank you God and Jen for Advil) but I was clearly dehydrated, dizzy, and disoriented. Long story short, an old Romanian man came along, sat on my bench, stared at me, started making 'friendly' talk, which quickly evolved into....UNSOLICITED HUGS AND SMOOCHY FACES. D: I GTFO'd, to say the least. Reconvened with cousins at Natural History Museum feeling 300% dirtier than when they left me.
Not gonna lie. It was hard watching Turkey Bowl this year for more reasons than one. Of course I miss the team, the comraderie/fellowship...but deep down I know what I miss the most is that overwhelming sense of accomplishment I felt every time I scored a touchdown or made an interception. Football made me feel like I was somebody and I was so willing to give everything I had to get to the top and be the best I could possibly be. It wasn't so much of a dedication to the team as it was dedication to nurturing my deep hunger for achievement and glory. But thanks to God (and another ACL tear), He has been humbling and freeing me from this particular 'deep' idol. And in these times when I'm tempted to wallow in self-pity over disappointments and failures, wish that circumstances were different, or doubt His goodness/fairness...He gives me grace to realize that my life is a gift infinitely better than anything I deserve. He gives me grace to believe and be thankful that He works all things together for His glory and my greatest good. Last year on Turkey Bowl morning, I wrote this verse on my wrist - "He must become greater, I must become less" - John 3:30. I prayed that He would do whatever it would take to make that happen. He did. And for that I am overwhelmingly thankful.
He takes away. But He also replaces with something so much more amazing.
