Jason made us all scarves and fish hats. Quite possibly the coolest gift ever?
who knew something so tremendously awesome could be crocheted in 3 hours
(He made necklaces too)
Christmas baby
baby cousins have mysteriously tranformed into teenagers...
ANTICIPATION FACES
"Never going out into the snow evar again" face (after sledding/drowning)
Being tossed (from pretty high up, might I add) into the snow
barking at snow plows, of course
Taking a crap in the middle of the street, of course
Humble beginnings of an awesome igloo
Kale + sweet potater stewThis past Sunday, my mom and I brought Moose to a dog park for the first time in his life. Seeing as how his canine-interactions are limited to those between him and my cousin's dog (who Moose completely and totally dominates/humps all the time), this was a kind of an awkward and eye-opening experience for everyone. Upon entering the park, it felt like a scene taken straight out of the dog WEEEEsperer...you know, where Cesar throws that poorly-socialized/dominant dog into his pack's pen, all the well-behaved dogs come up and sniff the new guy, and the look on the problem-dog's face (as he's getting sniffed and violated) just screams, "WTF IS HAPPENING". Yeah, that was totally Moose. He had never been around so many other dogs in his entire life and was clearly freakin out a bit. It was sorta cute watching all the other small dogs come up and sniff him out, and I felt like one of those over-protective mama's dropping their kid off to pre-school and just wanting to babysit him and make sure he gets along well with the other kids. But observing him from a distance, I quickly realized how socially awkward Moose truly is. First thought: hey, kinda like me. Second thought: damn. Instead of chasing tennis balls or playing tag and running around, Moose just wanted to find something to mount. One track mind for 40 minutes straight. That sort of behavior is definitely shunned upon at the dog park....because when it happens, all the dog owners standing around are clearly appalled. Before Sunday, I thought I had a pretty decent dog. But bringing him to that dog park just unveiled a whole host of behavioral/social problems.....which translates into one thing: I'm not watching enough Dog Whisperer. So I am resolved to bring Moose to the dog park more often with hopes that he will eventually stop being such a domineering pervert and that we won't come across anymore unfixed females.
All the children were told to go wash their hands after giving me high-fives. Ouch.
Avery: SAY HELLO TO MY JUICEBOX!
Me: hello juicebox!
Avery: SAY HELLO TO MY JELLO! SAY HELLO TO MY FRUITSNACKS! SAY HELLO TO MY TRASH!
Joey: SAY HELLO TO MY APPLE!
Me: hello apple!
Joey: SAY HELLO TO MY PEANUTS!
Me: Hello peanuts!
Joey: say goodbye to my peanuts...*stuffs handful of peanuts into mouth*
Avery: OH MAN. BYE PEANUTS
Joey: say goodbye to my apples...
Me: GOODBYE APPLES
Joey: No. You need to look sad.
Me: PLEASE STOP! DON'T DO IT...
Joey: hehehe...*chomps on apple*
Me: goodbye apple :(
The ups and downs of this football season correlate very nicely with my own personal life. I would go into detail...except I won't. I'll just talk about football instead. The season started out pretty rough. I was super excited/pumped to be playing with the girls again, but it definitely didn't feel like the same team I had played with 2 years ago. When we were practicing, it was SERIOUS-BUS TIME. No more dancing/singing/shadow-fighting/goofing around in the field. I felt I had to prove myself to the coaches more so than the week before, which in itself made practices progressively suckier. It wasn't until the Sunday before tourney when the team went out to Lighthouse Tofu (which is totally delicious btw) and Mary shared her life story/testimony. Listening to how amazing and huge of a change God has made in Mary's life was a huge reminder to me of how much He has been moving and growing me this past year.
Day before the tourney, my sore throat had evolved into a raging fever + uber-congestion. My little brother wanted to go to best buy to experience the chaos and confusion that is Black Friday. Instead, I ended up dragging him to Giant so I could buy meds + coughdrops. I felt bad, so I bought him a box of cereal (He's such a good little egg, that one). During the Chesed get together later that day, I shared how thankful I am for improved relations among my family members, especially Matt. My attempts to emotionally scar and corrupt him at a young age have clearly failed. He's seriously a perfect kid. But the one thing that makes me so proud of him more than anything is that he seriously loves God. This past summer, we spent an entire night in Les Issambres staring at the Milky Way, counting shooting stars, and just saying over and over again, "God, you are awesome". You can't really say much else when you're looking at a freaking galaxy in the sky and a TRILLION more stars than you've ever seen at once.
Day of Turkey Bowl. By the grace of God and a buttload of vitamin C, I was able to play. But everything just felt so completely different this year than it did 2 years ago. It was about praising God for every single good thing that happened that day and not praising myself or anyone else.
I heard Matisyahu's "One Day" on NBC's Vancouver Olympics commercial. Sounds like he was raised in Jamaica, but was actually born in Pennsylvania. Looks homeless, but he's actually just Jewish. This man makes no sense but I like this song.
Yo. Screw grad school. I'm filling out a starfleet academy application. That movie is more magical than Harry Potter on blue ray.
Spent 4 hours cleaning out my closet last night; shuffling through old clothes, bottles upon bottles of bath and body works crap that your typical middle school girl collects, stuff you need for dorm-living but have no use for at home, and old school papers/exams. I spent a good amount of time just reading through old assignments/tests and mourning the fact that probably 95% of the material I've studied and learned throughout college has been completely purged from my brains. Like, there was a time in my life when I knew how to calculate the cost of maintaining a horse operation in hay and grain for a herd of 15 horses. I could once recite the geographical distribution of China's croplands and the principal organs of the United Nations by heart. I once knew how to determine what set of reactions would provide the best synthesis of cis-1,2-dihydroxycyclohexane starting with cyclohexene. And there was a semester of my life where I could identify and label the superficial/deep muscles of a dissected cat, affectionately named Salem.
What in the what.
I find immense satisfaction in the simple act of creating pieces of crap. Like collages. I get paid 2.5 hours each day to make sure kids don't start choking or seizing during nap-time (not really a joke since we have 3 kids who have had seizures before). And since reading books or doing anything of any real worth is pretty impossible with all the lights out, I find collage-making a great way to pass/waste time.
I've wanted to see the northern lights ever since I was a kid and have always been fascinated by this one scene in Balto with all the snow and the crazy green lights. Yeah so I want to go to there in real life.
2 winters ago...Patti, Paul, Becca, and I spent an evening watching Balto and baking Christmas cookies (pumpkin cheesecake cookies to be exact). The movie ends with a grandma and her grand-daughter visiting the balto statue and the grandma is like, "OH BALTO, ID BE LOST WITHOUT YOU". Ironic, because so many people get lost in central park looking for that ridiculous statue. Anyways, we traveled to New York City that following spring break in search of good food and that ever elusive Balto statue. We found expensive, subpar food at some swanky Manhattan restaurant and then hiked 31 blocks to central park. Long story short, we never found Balto. Instead, we played on some sad little playground with a slide and a lot of mulch. I remember there being a lot of mulch because Becca got face-planted in a whole lot of it after coming down the slide too fast. There was also, of course, the obligatory trip to FAO Schwarz to buy bulk candy.
In a letter that Paul wrote to me from Armenia last month:
"Have you seen the Balto statue yet? Last time I went, I searched for it. And searched. And searched. What actually got us there was soemone who pointed us in the right direction after I went crazy and started yelling, "DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE BALTO IS?!?!" So next time you have a difficult question, yell it to the nearest crowd."
I made up this game to pass time with the kids during mandatory carpet time. They love it and so do I, sadly. It's like mafia for pre-schoolers, except there's no way they can win. I narrate and start our adventure by making sure at least 1/2 of the kids are proficient in karate, swordfighting and tree climbing. We enter the jungle and start chanting this song that the Purple People Eater sings and it goes, "I'm makin a purple stew, I'm makin a purple stew. With purple potatoes and purple tomatoes and (insert names of naughty children) toooooo". I then make up a story of how those kids got caught by the PurplePeopleEater and have the remaining survivors cast votes to determine whether or not we go try and save their captured peers from the stew pot. By the end of the game, I've got a whole lot of dead kids lying around me in complete silence. It's beautiful.
Also, one of the kids took me aside and asked with a very serious-bus expression on his face, "is the purple people eater REAL?"
My work here is done.
is to stop worrying what lies behind and ahead. To stop stressing over where should I go from here and to focus on what should I be doing right here right now.
You are exactly where you're supposed to be right now.
And right now, it feels like I'm facing a gauntlet of trials, roadblocks, discouragement, and impending doooooom. But it gives me enormous hope to know that God specifically planned and placed each and every one of these hurdles in my life for a reason. He's able to take all the hurt and trouble and put it to good use.
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.- Romans 5:1-4
is when someone says to you "Don't worry about it. I love you" after you've smashed into their car door. I hardly know her. But she kept hugging me, smiling, and reassuring me everything was ok.
is when your dad takes the blame so that your insurance rate doesn't explode through the roof. Awesome dad is someone who says sorry for initially screaming his head off, asks if you're ok, and gives you a pat on the back.
Definition of retardation = me
God speaks to me through car accidents.
As Auntie Mei walked out my front door, she turned around and said, "i love you". I don't know much about her except that she goes to my church, her husband died from cancer a few years back, and she helped send me to Nicaragua. This was the first time I've ever really spoken to her in person and the first words she hears from me are, "I just hit your car". And her response is, "I love you". Crazy. This all could have been avoided had I not volunteered to pick up my little brother from piano lessons so that my dad could stay home to give Auntie Mei a flu shot. I could have taken my own car instead of the van that was doomed to back up into her car. I could have put on my glasses. It all could have turned out differently I suppose.
But it didn't.
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back - Luke 6:35
I think my best friends know that I have a tendency to flake. Despite my disappointing them time and time again, they forgive me. A lot. And I don't know why or how...but that's how good my friends are. I know I don't deserve them.
Thank you for being my friend. I'll keep trying to stop being such a crappy one.
One of my greatest fears is disappointing those closest to me. Seems hard to believe seeing as how I'm a professional at accomplishing just that. But that often leads to my next problem: over-commitment. Initially, it solves the problem. But in the end, I just end up disappointing everybody and myself.
Did you do any activities in college / leadership that is relevant at all? CS clans don't count, FYI.
Just listing your tasks gives no real insight into your abilities, and is actually pretty boring. But if you can say you designed unique graphics to stick in a presentation about saving whales which was presented to gandalf the gray etc. it adds more personality and uniqueness to your resume. In the same number of words that you are using now.
Overheard in Pre-school
"Stay away from me! I just farted!"
"but all boys like farts..."
"I'm dooooone" (pouty-faced)
fellow 3-year-old: "NO! TWO MORE BITES!"
(pointing at me) YOU'RE A CHICKEN NUGGET WEENER
This is the story of how I planned an entire day around 3 dozen birthday cupcakes. It's my little brother's 17th(?) birthday today. I planned to bake cupcakes and throw him a surprise bday thing during tonight's teens group. Woke up bright and early yesterday to drive to the only cake supply shop in the area. Drove to Harris Teeter to purchase cupcake ingredients. Drove to work. Came home, found out Matt caught the swine (again). All this cupcake crap for a boy who won't make it to his own bday party. So I've been baking for the past 2 hours. I figured I might as well. But I'm not quite sure what to do with all these cupcakes.
Ok. I eat food off the ground. All the time. I'm that person who can drop a scoop of icecream onto the floor of a mouse-infested college park apartment, think nothing of it, scoop back up and continuing eating. I don't like seeing perfectly edible food being wasted. Therefore, I'm not quite sure what the correct thing is to teach a 3-year-old who has dropped his/her sandwich on the ground. When I see a kid eating food off the ground, I naturally think, "nice work, buddy". Is that wrong? Probably. But it really does shock me when I see how much goes to waste each day in a small classroom of pre-schoolers. Yeah soooo ever since I've started working, several kids have gotten pretty sick and I just want to get it out there that my not-stopping-kids-from-eating-food-off-the-floor is in no way correlated to this recent incline in sick children.
Also, I realize I have a problem responding to e-mails/IMs/missed phone calls. It's a disorder that's gone unchecked for the past 22 years of my life and I apologize to all my friends who think I hate them or just don't care about them. I think my online etiquette is the worst. So this is me pre-gaming for the New Years. My pre-new years resolution is to do my best to respond promptly to missed phone calls/texts. As for IMs....I do this thing where I'll leave my computer, come back to an IM sent 20 minutes ago, not feel the urgency to respond b/c I figure the person has moved on, and I just close their window. Yes, I realize this is not cool. And yes, I'll try to quit being a jerk =/ In general, I'm going to try my best to be a better friend, especially to those I don't get to see on a daily basis anymore :( I'm never the first one to call someone up to hang out because I'm weird and cynical and stupid. I'll never completely understand why my brain works this way, but I'm going to try and make a conscious effort to put a stopper in it.
For the past few weeks, I've been praying to God for new opportunities to serve and grow. The thing is, I've been so blind to the opportunities He had already placed in front of me. I've just been too scared, doubtful, and discouraged to even consider them. That's how I often feel about serving in new places or roles. I don't feel equipped or ready and that scares me away. But that's exactly how God wants us to feel before serving. It's when we think to ourselves, "I'm not ready for this. I can't do this by myself", that God says, "Ok. Now you're ready to serve". I need to ask for the courage to take risks. I need to stop being such a little worried sissy. I need to trust in God more.
Also....KJ:ADSF;j*(&(*wqu#riosDUFJSDaxcmIUW3IRU WHOMP -______-
(after several failed attempts to tie me to a tree and leave me to die)
me: I don't understand! Why are you doing this to me?!
kaelyn: if you would just play with us, we wouldn't be trying to kill you!
kaelyn: *taps my shoulder and points at crayola whiteboard that reads: I will haunt you forever, Becky. Love, Kaelyn*
caroline: once upon a time, there was a dinosaur.
ciana: and then the princess killed it.
The best part of this weekend: dancing in Karina's basement to hiphop and disney music for over an hour.
Can I just say that Autumn weather makes me stupidly happy? All of the sudden, this impulse to bake molasses cookies/pumpkin everything/spice cakes kicks in. Ideal weather/temperature to open the window at night and bury into the comforter. Oh my goodness gravy....and the FOOTBALL. Football + cold weather + REM. It's going to be different this season. This cracking little knee of mine is keeping me in check. Keeping me humble. I'm thankful to even be playing. After practice this Sunday, I got home, ate a whole lot of turkey and pound cake and PASSED out for 4 hours. A phone call from Patti Look at 9pm, asking for late night Carmen's. We end up talking on the phone for an hour about how we were both huge losers in elementary school among other nonsensical topics. It's my goal to rack up enough cash so me and Patti can be re-united as roomies and resume cooking parties/running/synchronized stupidness.
These past 4 weeks have been retarded. Job-searching = sending out resume, sitting in front of computer all day long refreshing g-mail hoping for a response = lazy/anti-social bum. I was certainly getting impatient with God and getting down on myself for 4 weeks straight. I wanted to be back on the missions field. I missed having a schedule. I missed making an impact. Something I definitely miss a lot: being pushed out of my comfort zone and being forced to rely on God. I haven't grown much in these past 4 weeks and I hope I'd be a little/a lot more pro-active about making myself available to the Lord.
So yeah. Job. I has one. PRAISE THE LORD. Substitute/teaching assistant at Beverly Farms Elementary School. I spent all of yesterday with the pre-schoolers. It's kind of difficult to be around so much cute all day long. It sure does tire you out, especially that part of you that melts when you see and hear cute things. During lunchtime, I sat down at a table with 4 little kids and commented on each of their lunchboxes (little kids take a lot of pride in their boxes). Jaiden has this awesome transformers hologram box and is pretty certain that he doesn't have to eat his brown banana because his lunchbox "will transform it into a new banana". I tell him he's probably right and to put his lunchbox back in his cubby (i miss cubbies). After naptime, we have muffins for snack and then free-time. All the kids want me to read a book called "BB Wolf". They point and laugh at the pictures and clearly don't know how to read at all yet. But they love it and ask me to read the story all over again. During outside time, I am commissioned by 2 little girls to draw pictures of their families and everything else they want. I tell them to color in what I draw. I forget whether or not I was this uncoordinated when I was their age. The day comes to an end and kids start heading home. The look on their faces when parents come to pick them up = pure joy.
Got to the Dorcas center yesterday evening. I was feeling really exhausted before leaving for CBC and actually wanted to just stay home. But after settling in, meeting Grace and Rebecca, and hearing a little more about the ministry and the kids we'd be working with, I started getting a little more excited. Today, went to the Free Church and got acquainted with Pastor Bill and the teens. Now I'm feeling crazy pumped. These teens have been doing 6-hours of VBS every day for the past 5 weeks. I can hardly get through 1 week of 3-hour days. I cannot believe how enthusiastic and excited the teens are for this week. I can't believe how mature they are and how fired up they are to serve. From what we've been told, the kids we'll be working with are here at this VBS program b/c their parents like the idea of a cheap babysitting program. Apparently, its common here for parents to send kids back to China to be raised by grandparents and when they get sent back here, they're strangers to their parents and go through a lot of emotional stress. Last week, some kid knocked in one of the glass entrance doors. Can't wait to meet him. Had a hard time focusing on the morning's message because I was busy thinking about plans for worship and crafts and whatnot, but Sunday school with Pastor Bill was good. I shared about something that Adam shared with the team in Nicaragua: why is it so much harder to see God in our normal day to day lives than it is in Nicaragua? How do we go about living for 'things above" and "not of this earth"? We need to adjust to God's plans. To give up our own agenda. Pray that God would reveal when He opens doors. Then pray for courage to overcome your reservations and fear to take those opportunities. Met with the teens and asked them for help with worship. They were more than willing to offer song ideas and I pretty much let them choose what songs they enjoyed learning with the kids: all Lincoln Brewster. Love the Lord, Majestic, and All to You. I'm excited.
DAY 1 VBS
Woke up bright and early this morning at 6:30, ate breakfast, and headed over to the church. The first 20 minutes there were spent trying to get the overhead projector to work for worship lyrics (+freaking out). Right when the kids march into the sanctuary, Lauren is able to fix 20 minutes of frustration in a blink of an eye. It was truly a miracle that we got those lyrics up and running. Ted told the message of Jesus' triumphant entry: a very loud and jumbled message for me, personally. SO MUCH BIBLE PACKED INTO 1 LESSON. But there were a number of children who seemed to be making connections from previous lessons taught. Craft time was interesting and got to bond with a few kids over gluing pieces of tissue paper onto glass jars. Candle holder transformed into ladybug habitat. The 1 kid who sticks out is Carmen. I think Pastor Bill may have told us about her on Sunday. She and her younger brother don't know much English, aren't math nerds like the other kids, don't want to participate in group activities, and get made fun of by the other kids. She was the first kid I sat next to at the beginning of the day. Right when she sat down next to me, I sort of sensed that she was the girl Pastor Bill had told us about. She had scars/markings along her chin-line, her hair all oily and unkempt, and she didn't seem to give any attention to what was being said. But after working with her on math and finding that she could hardly add without counting her fingers, I knew she was really different from the other kids. First off, what kind of Asian parents don't drill their kids with math? There's this one kid, Jonathan, who spends his free time in between activities reading a book on chess strategies and solving his rubics cube in 55 seconds flat. The epitome/norm of a Chinese kid. Carmen seems to really enjoy reading out loud even though it's clear she doesn't know many English words. I heard her talking to one of the other kids enthusiastically in Mandarin. Maybe Nelson can help her out. I'm excited to see what would happen if he did.
Me, Elizabeth, and Kenny were sitting at the entrance of the Dorcas center when Elizabeth asked Rebecca Lee, "what do you do here at the center all day?" She explained how she works with a lot of Chinese immigrants, whether its immigration forms, dealing with housing issues, or interpretation. They offer advice/aid free of charge with no government subsidies and hope to find open doors to sharing the gospel. Rebecca told us that when she first knew God was calling her to missions, she wanted to at least serve in Africa or Latin America. Brooklyn, NY was not what she had in mind. Yet God made it abundantly clear to her that He wanted her here. Goes along with what me and Elizabeth have been planning for our devotion tomorrow morning: When we're resistant to God's plans for us or refuse to move when He makes it clear where we should be going or what we should be doing, He makes it ABUNDANTLY clear which way we are to go. It might not be what we want and it's going to be hard to give up our own plans for His, but in the end it's clear that "God's way is the best". Rebecca said to go where God is at work. I think He's telling me exactly where He wants me to go but I'm still resistant. Lord, make it abundantly clear this week on this mountaintop where I need to go.
VBS DAY 3
Exhausted. Led bible story this morning: Jesus gets arrested. Had a little skit for the kids to act out, which was semi-successful. At least some of the kids got to get out of their seats. Brian was a 1 show Judas/angry mob/dude who gets his ear cut off. Craft time was beyond tedious. Who knew teaching kiddie crafts could be so much work. MISS BECKY MISS BECKY MISS BECKY. Running back and forth between kids, teaching them how to thread their gimp through beads. Of course, the one kid who surprises me the most during crafts is Brian Chiu, who sits quietly pulling together a frog without asking a single question or disrupting any of the other kids. Possibly the only child that day who did not ask for any help whatsoever. During free time, me and Kevin played bball: I beat him in HORSES and he beat me in around the world. Math and English go pretty well. Another brain teaser with pies and fractions and Bible verse paraphrasing. We end the day with Alex rushing us out of the building without doing debriefing with the teens. I get slightly upset. He then goes on to skip our entire team debriefing. So me/ted/anna/bethanie/nelson/jessie/Rebecca sat down at the dinner table and had our own little sharing time of testimonies. I shared about my current career path dilemma and how much the Lord has shown me this past year and this entire summer. How much I love serving Him. How much I love serving the kids. I began to tear up. I think because I know the Lord has given me a passion and a gift to serve kids, yet I'm resistant to take a step further in that direction because my parents want me to go another. Or perhaps that's not true. We then prayed for the kids around the table and Rebecca prayed for me, which really touched me for some reason. Just taking the time to pray with us after a really really long day. Walked through Lief Ericson park and Chinatown with Bethanie and had a really good talk. She's like the little sister I never had.
LAST DAY GAH
Stayed up til 3am making thank you cards for Grace/Rebecca/helpers. Thus, I had no time/brain power to write a journal entry for Day 4. From what I remember, craft time was a blast with the 3rd/4th graders. We made origami crosses: challenging enough to take up 45 minutes, easy enough for everyone to have a reasonable finished product. Craft time with the older kids was not as smooth-sailing. Tried to teach them how to make hexagonal spheres, but I couldn't even finish mine. My low of the day: falling on my butt while teaching math and getting my hair ripped out on the way down. A bunch of boys rushed to my aid to ask if I was alright. Their concern for my retardation was touching. Puppet show in the morning was the best of all the days. At the very end, our puppet wall fell over and the kids loved it. Got back to the Dorcas Center, ate a quick dinner of ox tails and left for the Brooklyn Bridge with Eddy and Cacket? Stopped off in Chinatown first, picked up some gifts for the teen helpers and some shaved ice from ui ui (pudding and redbean ftw). Lost Nelson in Chinatown. It seemed as if this entire trip we were always asking, "Where's Nelson?" I love Nelson. He always looks so content, he laughs when I burp, he doesn't mind our silliness, and watching him sit next to Leon reading a book about Exorcism on a bench made my day. Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge was awesome. I was amazed at how beautiful this city looks from a distance.
Brian Chiu: full of anger this one. He looks like a devil-child from the outside and can act like one at times. But he amazes me every time he comes up just to talk. He's not after anything, he just simply wants to gain my approval as a friend. He's got a sweet side to him.
Cindy: my cling-buddy this week. Girl likes to talk about everything and anything. Always calling me over to eat lunch with her or to follow her around during gym time. I regret brushing her aside to play bball vs. Kevin. She's called me every night to ask when I'll be on AIM.
Last day, always a sad one. Craft time was crucifixion Jesus cookies: graham crackers, peanut butter, chocolate chips, maple syrup, and coconut. Took the little ones 30 minutes to make a single cookie. I love how all the helpers always want to make whatever the little ones are making. It's as much fun for them to follow along. The older kids did cookies, origami balls, and gospel bracelets. During math today, had our first little math-related meltdown when John told some kid that he didn't show his work and that guessing answers isn't the right way to do it. John takes his math seriously. He even skipped the water fight to figure out the brain teaser. This is the same kid who spends his free time solving rubik's cubes and reading about chess strategies. I am going to the miss the teens so much. I kept telling them, "I can't believe you guys have done this for 5-6 weeks straight". Yesterday, I was folding and cutting paper for origami when I noticed Joy filling the kids' cups with water. It's little details like that that I had taken for granted. Some of the helpers just spend a majority of their day cleaning up after the kids, preparing snacks/lunch, disciplining, escorting kids to the bathroom, and cleaning up after us. Sounds like it sucks. But they still post facebook status' like "had a ton of fun today!"
You know what's scary? I'm back home now. But I think this trip to NY really confirmed something for me: I have a gift with kids. It's as if the Lord is pointing me in this direction. After 5 months of preparation and fundraising for Nicaragua, I returned feeling uneasy because I couldn't feel that 'transformation' that we talked about so much through our team verse. Had the Lord really transformed my heart and mind? I think I was very disappointed when I got home and felt as if nothing had changed and that I did not have any more direction than I did before the trip. But I feel different after NY. There were times when we were just walking through Brooklyn back to the Dorcas Center and everything just seemed so perfectly and ridiculously surreal and i would think, "is this real life? Is this for real? Is this really happening?" I would just be in awe of everything I had experienced that day. God's way is the best way. May i never forget that. Lord, show me your way and may I not hesitate when you call me. Give me patience and discernment as you unfold your will to me.
I've finally come to terms with the fact that I stink and that I will never be able to fully express my summer in words. This has been, hands down, the best summer of my life and the Lord has definitely changed me through it.
There are many stories I could tell, but I'll just stick with two. First: the day we spent with a missionary couple, Brad and Ruth Brown, at their feeding center located in the impoverished neighborhood of Pancasán. We sang songs, told Bible stories, played games, and ordered pizza for lunch (a welcome change from the typical rice and beans). For most of the children, this was their first time tasting pizza. I sat next to two sisters and noticed that the younger of them, Hellen, had stopped eating after taking only 2 bites. I asked her in broken Spanish, "are you not hungry?" With the biggest smile on her face, she replied, "I want to take it home for my brothers and my mom". As I looked around, I saw that most of the other children were also packing away their untouched pizza slices to bring back home. What a humbling experience that was to be reminded by 6-year olds what it is to put the needs of others before your own and to “give liberally and be ungrudging when you do so” (Deut 15:10).
On our last day in Bluefields, the feeding center staff threw a going away fiesta for our team. There was a live band, dancing, singing, and a giant piñata for the children. I was unprepared for what ensued after the piñata had been demolished. As children emerged from the ‘piñata pile’, they approached me and offered to give away their handfuls of candy. They knew the piñata had come from us, yet they wanted to show their gratitude by giving what little they had. At first, I declined (it seemed like the right thing to do at the time), but realized how upset the kids looked after I had turned down their gifts of candy. I was taking away their right to give; something they find such great joy in. Eventually, I accepted a single coffee flavored candy from one of the kids. Within seconds, I had an entire pile of coffee candies. I realized in that moment that even though I had come to
Something else I learned this summer is that God doesn’t need me to accomplish His will, but He gives me the privilege of being a part of it. He doesn’t allow my own fears, worries, insecurities, or expectations to get in the way of His plans, especially not on HIS mission trips. Even in those times where I felt like I wasn’t doing much for the kids, it has become so clear that the Lord was (and still is) at work in their lives. In a recent e-mail update, Pastor Ed from Verbo Church shared with great enthusiasm how the feeding program is building the church and that there are now about 30 kids from the program who have been coming to church on Sunday, and some are even bringing their parents. 2 months ago, there were only 3 children from the program attending church regularly. He also shared that one of the girls from the program, along with several of the teenagers who served as translators during our trip, have recently accepted Christ and were baptized this past month. Praise the Lord! =)
So what’s next for me? I wish I knew. I am considering going back to school to get a teaching degree, as I’ve come to realize the passion I have for serving children. It’s something I can imagine myself doing every day for the rest of my life and never getting tired of. Ultimately, however, I’m waiting on the Lord to show me where he wants me, and praying that his will would be done in my life. I need to be faithful and continue to apply what the Lord has taught me this summer into my day to day life. I want to give sacrificially of my time, talents, and treasures. Also, I want to be focused on furthering God's kingdom and not on my daily needs and wants. But more than anything, I want to be content and joy-filled in whatever situation He places me in.
Also, back to Bluefields. Please join me in continuing to support the children and church through prayer as the feeding program has had to cut back the number of children being fed to about 75 each day, though demand remains at about 130. Since July, they have had to switch to a first come, first serve basis, until they can finish quantifying the level of need for the children coming. Please pray for the church and the staff – that the Lord would keep them strong and provide the funds and encouragement they need to continue reaching out to more children. Also the children – that God would protect them, keep them healthy, and keep working in their hearts. If you would like to see pictures taken by me and my teammates during the trip, feel free to take a look at our on-line photo album at http://picasaweb.google.com/NicaraguaGI09. I’m hoping that it will help you to connect even more with the children of Nicaragua as you get a closer look at their lives.
I've been wanting to write for such a long time. But every time I try to type up a new post, I'm never quite sure what to say because there's just SO much to say. So I've decided to just share what I wrote in my journal while I was in Nicaragua. After coming home on the 11th, I got back on an airplane and headed for Paris with my family. It was all very good and pleasant to be with the fam, but I couldn't help but feel something like a fish out of water; from serving little kids in a 3rd world country to being plopped on a beach along the Mediterranean coast. I was definitely going through some Nicaragua withdrawal and still sort of am. The Lord showed me so many things and I want to be able to apply all those things to life in Maryland, but I'm unsure of what the next step is. So I think going through these old journal entries will help with that.
DAY 1
WE...ARE IN....NICARAGUA YO. Driving through the streets of Bluefields, I looked at every single person we passed by. The people here are beautiful. Not to sound like a weirdo, but they are good looking people. The jungle slum combination reminds me of Thailand, which is probably why I wasn't as shocked as I thought I would be. I've experienced this sort of poverty before; tin-roofed shacks no bigger than my bedroom, lined up one after the other, little children walking around by themselves, and stray dogs scavenging for food at every street corner. I was feeling pretty poopy the whole trip over, which made it sort of difficult to absorb everything I was hearing/seeing. But after a good ol' pepto-bismol chewable, a delicious chicken dinner, worship and a message...I'm feeling much better.
Cole, one of the OrphaNetwork interns leading us, gave a really encouraging talk and asked us these questions: how far are you willing to go to see Jesus and how are you going to help your teammates see Jesus? You may see a little Nicaraguan kid and feel moved to go up to him/her, but at the same time doubt your ability to reach out and love this kid. Matthew 14: When Jesus walks on water and Peter tells Jesus to call out for him. Peter takes a step out of the boat, starts freaking out and sinking...but Jesus comes and saves him. Jesus is going to call out to us this week and He's going to save us when we start feeling in over our heads. But I can't doubt His ability to work and love through me, or I'll freaking sink. I pray that the Lord would show me how to love in ways other than through words. I won't deny that I'm often afraid to jump out of the boat, but I pray GOD would give me the boldness and courage I need to love like Him. This whole time, I've been telling myself that the reason for this mission is to share the love of Christ. It's so much more than just love. It's showing compassion: suffering alongside these kids. Sharing in their pain. Compassions is certainly rooted in love because when you love someone, you're willing to suffer and give up something for them.
We were all totally amazed by the Verbo staff members who shared about their ministry and their current struggle to feed 120+ kids every day, Mon-Fri. Lisette, who cooks all the meals for the feeding center, was driven to tears as she told us how the church only receives enough support to feed 50 kids a day and may have to start turning down children who aren't first in line for lunch. It's easy for us to come to Bluefields and be totally heartbroken from hearing stories. But people like Lisette who have grown up and lived in this place and have experienced this kind of suffering on a daily basis...for them to be moved to tears and have such a huge heart to want to make a difference is....crazybus. I know I've come to Bluefields with a backpack full of doubt weighing me down. I'm constantly on my toes just waiting for something to go wrong when I should be praising the LORD for every single blessing He has poured on us thus far. I'm feeling rather amped after Cole's talk. I'm feeling ready to jump out of the boat and get dirty.
Cute little quotes from the day:
(after receiving gifts of travel-sized bath&bodyworks hand-sanitizer)
Adam: My scent is..... "warm vanilla sugar"
James: THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE TO ME!
(starting to doubt our Spanish proficiency)
Emily: How do you say "after"? Leche?
Rachel: Um...that means milk
I am feeling much like a fat, worrisome hobbit at the moment. Less than 48 hours til departure.
I will not be afraid.
I will not be afraid.
I will look upward, and travel onward,
And not be afraid.
LET ME JUST SUMMARIZE MY MOST EXCELLENT DAY FOR YOU. Ok. So I've been helping out with VBS this week. Today's devotional theme was: GO TELL! Totally utilized my booklet from the 'Share Your Faith' workshop at Mclean. My kids really liked this illustration: imagine a giant-monster-truck barreling down the road towards your friend who is both blind and deaf. You could either stand there and watch him get totally owned or you could take the risk and tackle him to the side of the road (...where he will magically regain both his eyesight and hearing). We've all heard the story of Jesus' resurrection and we've probably heard it a billion times. But I think after a while we forget how awesome the good news is: that Jesus died to cover our sins so that we might enter a right relationship with God, have a purpose for this life now, and have a future home in heaven. How much do you have to hate someone to not share this news with them? A lots. "Go out on a limb, because that's where the fruit is".
My kids totally amaze me. There's this boy named William in my smallgroup who is like 12 years old and is so totally passionate about reading the Bible and going over discussion questions. Then there's the 2 twin girls (Nicole and Stacy). On the first day of VBS, I had mistaken them for mutes. So hearing them increase the volume of their voices to an audible level and seeing them contribute to discussion today was honestly a miracle of the Lord. Before this week, I didn't think it was possible for a middle schooler to fully comprehend Jesus' sacrifice or to actually KNOW God. But after spending a few days with these kids, I no longer doubt that. Driving home today, I thought I was going to die from pure joy and I told God that I wouldn't be able to handle feeling that awesome all the time because I would probably explode.
Went to REI and bought mosquito repellent (100% DEET!!) and a nifty hand-sanitizer spray pen. There just so happened to be a Ritz Camera next door and I just so happened to need a replacement lens cap (things I have left atop my car, forgot about, drove away, and lost: lens cap, 2 watches, sandal, sneaker, tbc...). Drove to Toys'r'us for purchasement of 'articles of warfare' for impending battle of the sexes at tomorrow's car wash. Drove to Giant to pick up more Nicaragua necessities ie baby wipes. Drove home, HIT A YOUNG ADOLESCENT SQUIRREL ON TUCKERMAN, mourned squirrel, ate smoothie in his remembrance. Jogged with Moosie (ve are training for ze orimpicks). Dog ran 3.5 miles without stopping at a single mailbox. SO PROUD OF HIM. Delirious from exaustion no doubt.
Went to women's group for snacks and sharing time. I'm so super blessed to have been placed with such an awesome group of ladies. We plan to have a giant icecream party next week. I plan to fast in preparation for such festivities...
Talked to Crystal for the first time in 2 years. This definitely topped my list of awesome occurences today. It's something that's been seriously weighing on my heart for a very long time and I'm so freaking thankful we had a chance to break the silence and catch up before she moves to the outback. Goodness gracious. Thank you, Lord.
Thursday - went down to DC to watch little lights kids rehearse for their end of the year talent show. Hadn't been back since 1st semester, so it was awesome to see a bunch of familiar faces. I wasn't expecting any of the kids to remember who I was, but I was pleasantly surprised when 2 little girls recognized me and came up to say they had forgotten my name. Samara - the cutest little buck-toofed, cross-eyed, math genius in all of SE DC and Bryanna - miss independent with an overflow of sass and tude. Went back down to DC at noon today to help out with the pre-talent show bbq. It's funny how travel plans to DC worked out. I was originally planning to leave much later in the day because of an 11am football game...but I just so happened to get ridiculously lost on my way to the field, pulled over onto some residential street, screamed at my gps for bringing me to the wrong location, and drove back home all defeated and stressed out. However, due to this navigation fail, I got to metro down with Eden (who I haven't hung out with in quite some time) and Carolyn (who I've never really hung out with before, but uh she's a flipping awesome chica).
Spent the first 20 minutes at Potomac Gardens helping to clean up, pick up trash and chatting with a few other volunteers. Eventually, I found my way over to the face painting table where a little girl named Shandra immediately requested to paint my left arm. She had a stunning palette of magenta, turquoise, and white Crayola facepaints laid out already, so I conceded and told her she could paint whatever she wanted to. After that, it's all really just a blur... Somehow she found a way to convince me that arm-painting was restraining the flow of her creative juices and that my face made for a much better canvas. A few adults started getting concerned/started questioning my sanity as another little girl named April (with a rainbow painted on her left cheek and a star on her right) was commissioned to paint my right arm. Anyhow, their end result was a walking masterpiece made of upside down letters, spongebob squarepants, a tennis racquet, a bunch of grapes, and a caterpillar (walking across my face).
I feel like I did so much this past weekend.
Friday - CBC/REM Joint Teen's Group. "Fellowship on a whole 'notha level" is how C.Wu might describe it. Rom is a genius for putting together such a super fun scavenger hunt for the kids. I was manned at the 'Snack Attack' station where each team of 9-10 kids had to consume 20 twinkies + 2 gallons of water. (Please refer to twinkie nutrition facts on the left) As I was screaming and shoving twinkies down throats, 2 things dawned on me. First I thought to myself, "wow, someone is most likely going to die tonight as a result of my fierce peer-pressuring skills". And then I thought, "wow...I really love these kids. This is where I want to be. This is where God wants me serving". Last semester, I'd go down to dc every monday to help out with little lights hw club. It was a frustrating and tiring experience to say the least. And I wonder how different it would've been for me and the kids I worked with had I known a thing or two about humility at the time. I won't deny that my intentions to work with littles lights was solely for the self gratification from 'doing something good'. The problem with serving others to serve yourself is that there is nothing to fuel your fire and you're doomed to eventually burn out. Self-gratification is not fuel. When the 7 year old you've been working with for the past month still can't read the word 'CAT' and would rather sit in time-out and stare at a wall for 1 hour than do homework...you get discouraged (and possibly want to punch the kid). You want to give up and move on to some other child who has an attention span of at least 10 seconds. But that's where the whole 'WWJD' thing comes in. To me, this struggling kid is straight up sassy and disrespectful. Does he even know the kind of traffic I drive through to get here? The billions of times I've gotten lost in dc? THE PRICE OF GAS? But to Jesus, this 7-year-old illiterate kid from the hood is a king. This kid deserves MY respect and my love. It's no longer about serving others to serve myself, it's about serving others to serve God.
Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must become your slave. For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many" (Matthew 20:25-28 NLT)Saturday - I already documented my baking escapades. Overall, a colorful/vibrant failure. Celebrated Asaph's 19th Birthday. It's strange and awesome that a lot of my close friends are people I've only been friends with for like a year...and also happen to be freshman (hah). I think we may have bonded over a common ACL injury...doomed to stationary exercise on a bicycle. Your efforts to teach me a flip-turn have not gone to waste. I will nail it one day. Just watch. Breakfast (sometimes...or 20 minutes past the scheduled time) on Tues/Thurs at co-op, chik-fil-a, or mickeyD's before 11am in Tydings. Walk over to Japanese Pragmatics, try to look as attentive as possible and pray we wouldn't get called on (at least that was my strategy). I know I can't throw a football but it's one of my favoritest things to do on a sunny day. Too bad you had to teach me a lesson and jam my left index finger, which still won't bend all the way.
New camera :) Bought it off some photography student in dc through craigslist, of course. I haven't the slightest idea how to use this curious contraption, but this is me playing around with buttons I don't understand and recipes I've never tried. 
Unfortunately, I haven't the time to write about the excellence that was Friday night REM/CBC joint teen's group. I will come back to that after I'm done wreaking havoc in the kitchen. So far today, I've baked an upside down pear cake (fail, and therefore no pictures to be shared), cakespy's genius cookie-cake-pie invention in conjunction with omnomicon's rainbow cake (potential fail), and cookies/cupcakes from leftover dough/batter. At least the cupcakes are prettiful.
This blog marks a new chapter in my life. A new, awkward, post-grad, slightly depressing, transitional chapter where upon being asked "how does it feel?" I reply "i don't know". Ask me that dreaded question, "what do you plan to do now?" and I will be inclined to respond with one of the following: baker, farmer, or fireman. Sounds like the career plans of a 5 year old visionary. Clearly, I am awesome. And if I had my way, I would be all three. My good friend, Paul Bloomer, shared with me his life plan to have a different job for all the different seasons so as to not be stuck doing the same thing all year long. So if I had things my way, I would want to bake in the winter, farm in the spring and fall, and fire-fight in the summer. Or you could look at it this way: a healthy balance of creating, cultivating, and saving lives. I'm sure this would all be so much more cool and inspiring if I was being 100% serious. But who knows? Perhaps one of these days I'll become the world's first professional baker-farmer-firefighter (BFF), unless there already exists such an incredible human being in this world...
Nicaragua in 1 month. I watched this video that was made 3 years ago by a previous team that went on a short-term missions to the same location. Not sure what to tell people when they ask "what are you going to be doing down there?" because we honestly don't really know. But what we do know is that there is nothing to be worried/anxious about because God has some awesome plans laid out for us down there already. No pre-conceptions, no expectations. (But just between me and you Lord, I'd rather not get malaria <3). Another thing we know is that we'll be working with the 40-some street children being cared for at the orphanage/feeding center that was established in 2006. The common circumstances behind most of the world's orphans are twofold: either their parents have abandoned them altogether or their parents are unable to support/raise them, so they bring them to an orphanage or the government in hopes of giving their child a better life. Our mission: to be servants to these kids and to share with them the supernatural love of Christ. To love no matter what unexpected things may arise. To love despite the fact that multiple children have urinated on you in the course of a single day in addition to the fact you've contracted some sort of stomach virus, garnering you the nickname 'Pukes of Hazard' (all of this was experienced by my team leader, Jessica, during her missions trip to Ethiopia last year. Woman is a trooper). I want to love like that.
